Monday, February 16, 2009

MIX FEELING

Sometimes I’m wondering…camana la nanti kehidupan imad… how he will cope, how he will go thru with all these…

N sometimes I cant help to put the blame on me… pity ayah to have a wife that carry the gene (as told by doctor).. iffff.. I know.. I would not marry to anyone… I don’t want to destroy their dreams, to put them in a difficult situation…to put them in hard times with me….. if and if….

And also my children future… especially for kakak and hanis… how they will go thru with all these… will they understand??? Can they accept that their sibling is having difficulties…. At the moment.. kakak sometimes understand…but sometimes she is just a normal kid that have a jealousy feeling in her….

How I wish I can turn back the time… hmmmmmmmmm

Luckily I still have my parents with me… to go thru the sweet and hard time with me… bak kata ayah.. masa mula2 dpt tau penyakit imad…’eta… inilah qada’ dan qadar ALLAH… ini semua kuasa ALLAH, kita usaha mana yang mampu, jangan diambil pusing sangat kata2 doktor.. doctor tu manusia sama macam kita’….

And I still have my husband with me, yang susah senang bersama, eventho he at the first stage seems to be a bit denial and ignorance, and also my family in laws….

But still I can’t help myself to become emotional and cengeng when it comes to imad’s … no matter what, no matter where and no matter when….

N it always came to my mind… kalau la umur kami tak panjang… siapa la yg boleh/nak jaga imad….. n that is why.. I pray sooo hard… supaya kami dikurniakan kesihatan yang baik dan dipermudahkan segala urusan dan perjalanan hidup kami …amin….

Abang…If you happen to read this… ibu sayang abang… kalau ibu marah2 bukan bermakna ibu tak sayang… tapi ibu nak abang belajar dan berdikari… kami semua sayang abang…

2 comments:

Kay said...

Salam,
We do have mix feeling, but in different situation n cause.

Byk mana yg org ckp pon, takkan sama dgn apa yg ditanggung/lalui kan? So, hanya pd Dia kita minta & hanya Dia Maha Mengetahui sesuatu yg masih tersembunyi.

InsyaAllah, Imad 'kuat'! Tambahan lagi dia ada Ibu & Ayah yang juga 'kuat'.

Allah jadikan sesuatu itu tidak dengan sia-sia. W/pun pahit mungkin itu yg terbaik utk kita. Mungkin supaya kita sentiasa mengingati Dia & tidak putus asa dgnNya.

Eta said...

thanks kay...
itu tandanya DIA masih sayangkan kita sebagai hambaNYA kann.. insya allah...
selalu sematkan dlm hati, insya allah adalah hikmah yg tersembunyi... but biasalah sebagai manusia.. adakala.. kita 'down'... lagi2 ngan keadaan sekeliling...