Thursday, March 5, 2009

luahan rasa

A friend of mine wrote this to me….

‘Stop comparing him with other kids ok! Imad ni special, jadi dia perlukan special mom like you to care for him.’

Bila balik rumah…ketika bersama2 imad semalam… tak putus saya memandang dia… dalam hati saya.. terasa sangat sayu….Now he can do things in whatever way he wants…but how about in future… sampai bergenang air mata saya… ayah perasan…n he said ‘apasal nih ibu’… yg terkeluar dari mulut saya… ‘kesian imad kan ayah’…..and being him… takde apa2 reaksi dari ayah…

Can I be a special mom for him???? I always feel that I am not a good mother, he don’t like me tho… he prefer ayah than me, he prefer nenek than me… coz I am the one that always against him. He likes to ‘genteling’ the play doh aka plastesine , and end up he leave it everywhere in the house, car, nenek’s house and always we found out that Ohara (his baby cousin) ate one of it…. I know sometimes people would not understand why is he behaving like that… but that is him… he’s actually far behind from the kids that in the same age with him…. That is why sometimes I can’t help myself to compare him with other kids… kadang2 kita nih terlupa… bilamana dipengaruhi oleh keadaan dan orang2 disekeliling…

Jadi.. saya kenalah jangan lupa diri!!! Dan kerana itu juga saya mengharapkan kawan2 yang dekat dengan saya supaya sentiasa ingatkan saya tentang keadaan saya itu… it happened to ayah also…. Sometimes when he is not in a good mood… he tend to do things that he not supposed to do…. And after that he realize… Imad is SPECIAL… but I always said this to ayah… ‘please la, don’t spoil him coz he is special, I don’t want him to be spoil becoz people see he is SPECIAL’…..

He needs to face the real world that is sooo cruel… he needs to do things that he supposed to do… he needs to know that all coz kita tak tau sejauh mana perjalanan kita…

Saya tahu ini semua dugaan buat saya... kerana saya insan2 yang terpilih..cuma.....
As a normal human, kadang2 kita tak terlepas dari memikirkan benda2 yang negative…. Kadang2 terkeluar dari kepala saya.. bagaimana imad nanti nak meneruskan kehidupan dia… mengenangkan ketidakupayaan dia, mesti dia bertanya…. Mesti kakak dan adik dia pun akan bertanya… selalu saya memikirkan benda nih… until sometimes saya terfikir, janganlah diberi kesengsaraan ini kepada anak2 saya.. tak sanggup rasanya… tak tertanggung rasanya… kalaupun kesengsaraan itu akan datang pada dia… ambil la dia.. itu lebih baik dari saya saksikan segala-galanya… adakah ini tanda2 putus asa… adakah ini saya tidak redha dengan qada’ dan qadar saya.. adakah ini saya tidak percaya dengan takdir ALLAH ke atas saya…

Saya cuba tepis… tapi makin lama.. perkara itu makin menghimpit saya… selalu saya panjatkan doa… agar tidak tersasar iman saya… agar tidak cenderung saya memikirkannya….. hmmm apa2 pun saya juga masih tidak bersedia…. Tidak setabah dan sekuat mana yg disangka….dan …hidup juga mesti diteruskan…

4 comments:

JUMBO MUMBO said...

k.eita dear.. yes life is so hard sumtimes but i believe God is fair.. cuma kita tak boleh jemu berdoa.. takdir kita, takdir anak2 kita dah tersurat dlm kandungan lagi.. yes so many things happened in my life.I admit i was in shit n sumtimes rs lost hope pun ada..but i'm glad i've true frens yg tak jemu bg i semngat.. so that i bnyk berdoa n berserah pd Allah..i tak la alim tp hanya Dia yg maha mengetahui selagi terdaya we pray for the best.. mudah2an Allah jadikan kita lebih redha n tabah utk terima segala ketentuan n dugaan2nye.. u take care.

Princess Mulan said...

Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul ....

Yakin la, setiap kejadian ada hikmahnya, walaupun keadaan tak memihak kepada kita.

Be strong, sabar & redha!

nazira said...

salam eita..
u sure dunno me, but i'm one of ur blog's follower.. : )
n i'm really touched with ur stories of Imad.. n i cannot resists to say something..
eita, eventhough i tak pernah kenal u, but i really admire ur spirit and ur kesabaran as a mom in dealing special kid like Imad.. berat mata memandang, berat lg mata memikul, i admit that.. but dun worry, i believe that sure u got many2 frens n fmly to support u on this..
n be really strong.. if the situation is not in really gud shape, pls remember, that u are one of the chosen mum.. to take care of a special son, tk semua org akan jd sethough u.. i think, even i will not be strong like u...
apa2pun, keep strong and tabah, k.. i doakan Imad will get better and things will get better soon.. insyaAllah.. n sure many others berdoa for u and Imad also.. : )
and eita, stay u, k.. stay to be a tough n tabah n strong mum.. i know u can do it..
rgrds.

Eta said...

thank dd, mulan n nazira...(thanks for dropping to my blog)

moga2 saya akan lebih tabah dan sabar.. dan juga redha dengan ketentuan Ilahi....insya ALLAH... aminnnn